The Only Thing That Keeps Me Going... YAD

I don't feel well today. I'm feeling very, very bored with my life lately, especially about going to school. It's not about my classmates being very much younger than me. It's not about the way my instructors handle our class discussion. Or, it's not even about because I don't find a regular companion at school. It's about the thought that had I been a little more responsible in the past, I wouldn't be in the phase that my life is currently existing with. I could have been in another stage, a much more productive and mature one. My life is no longer in order. Since I chose the other pattern of life many years ago, I had difficulty putting my life back in order again.

I thought I had it put back together two years ago, but I was wrong. It turned out it was only one of the hindrances which were about to test my patience and faith. Now, it's trying to pull me down and I'm having a difficulty fighting back its stubbornness. I'm terribly fighting the hidden drama of my life... the loneliness, the emptiness inside, the danger of losing of my sanity, the anger, the disappointments over certain aspects of my life, the frustrations, and the depression. They are all trying to put my life in chaos, instead of getting back in order again. I should have known this would all come along, in one way or another. But, still, I had let my weaknesses take over.

The only thing that keeps me from completely giving up is... Yad. He is what makes my life going, even with all these things trying to ruin me. He is the thing that keeps my sanity intact, even in the midst of crazy things. He is my source of strength, even after a series of failures I've recently suffered from.

Don't worry, Yad! I will continue going on with my journey. If only for you, I would keep on fighting the sadness of this all. Mommy will be strong for you... Or I'll try hard to be. AJA!