It was only last night that I remember today is my monthly pre-natal checkup. If I didn't remember this important pregnancy date until last night, I am more than a hundred percent it never crossed Daddy R's mind that he gotta be here today.
Being a pregnant mommy, I always want the daddy of my baby to be with me always, especially during my monthly checkups and when I am craving for something to eat or when I am going to shop maternity or baby clothes/essentials, or other pregnancy-related activities. But as hard the situation that it is today, I can't always get what I want now. He is so busy that I have to always remind him whenever I need him to accompany me to the doctor and share the experiences of dealing with this whole pregnancy.
"..Sometimes, I can't help but take pity because of the thought that why do I have to go alone when we did and wanted this together?"
I always believe that it is a conjugal interest or initiative or obligation, or whatever you call it, for mom and dad to go to the OB together so both will have knowledge of the condition not only of the baby's but the mom's as well. I am not saying that dads have to come each time but I am more compelled to think that they should feel obliged especially to hear the first heartbeats of the baby, hold her hands during ultrasounds, learn of the baby's sex, check its anatomy, and other similar significant events.
Besides, it is bonding moment for us three together. I always feel great when Daddy R drives me to the clinic and supports me when I have to go into the cubicle of the OB-gyne. Somehow, it gives me the sense of security, protection, care, and love. I always treasure the moment that he has to get himself involved during my second pregnancy. After all, he wasn't there the entire time when I was doing the same with Yad, our first-born, was he?
"...Would it be unfair for me to assume or expect he would be more than thrilled now to share this whole experience since we never get to during my first pregnancy of Yad and so this second has become our real 'first family experience?' Forgive me, but I feel terribly devastated now. Sob!"
During my previous prenatal visits, I don't care if I look like a nagging partner just to convince him to go with me and we do it together. But today, I don't feel like doing the same. As proud as I always am, I get tired of constantly reminding him that today is my checkup so he needs to stop whatever he is doing and accompany me. I get tired of the thought that he is not thinking enough of us to always forget this special date. And so, my pained ego says again, don't make the first move...
... And yet, I don't want to go alone... What am I gonna do?:-(
" ...It saddens me to think that his business and other occupancies matter more to him than us. It depresses me to think that money comes first before family."
Now, I'm really having second thoughts as to contact Daddy R and remind him that today is our appointment with the doctor. I really want him to remember and contact me first. How happy and fulfilled would I feel if he calls me first and asks me to prepare because we have to go to the doctor now.
"...Sigh. I feel so discontented... though it is not so right."
I know I have to be positive with all these things, but yeah, of course, I never forget it and I am always full of hope albeit it doesn't always manifest because I am always grumpy and critical towards him whenever we are together.
"But... If only he knew... that I feel so BLESSED that he is here for us now and is giving me a brand new joy with this second baby."
... I just wish he'd give me more reasons to keep feeling that way.
Lord, INSHALLAH!
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